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07-Dec-2017 11:17

PITTSBURGH—Calling it a perfect way to rapidly replenish essential nutrients after an intense workout, Heinz on Wednesday introduced a new quick-recovery sports ketchup to their line of food products.

NEW YORK—Finding a remarkable consistency in such individuals’ predictive ability, a report released Wednesday by Columbia University found that rich suitors are able to correctly guess a beautiful woman’s dress size 92 percent of the time.

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Embarrassed by the piles of clutter in virtually every room, former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort reportedly spent the afternoon Wednesday making his house look presentable before the next predawn FBI raid.

WASHINGTON—Offering a stark and sobering assessment of the consequences of a military conflict with the nuclear-armed nation, the Central Intelligence Agency confirmed Wednesday that North Korea now possesses missile technology capable of reaching Sam Waterston’s house.

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NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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The reports alleged that Flynn spoke about sanctions with the Russian ambassador before Trump took office and the day before the Obama Administration announced them. Calls for Flynn’s resignation came immediately after those reports.… continue reading »


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